22 03 2009

I got this in my email this morning:

Dear Website Owner,

65% of people searching the Internet will never find your web site unless you’re ranked on first page of Google, MSN, or Yahoo. If I help you obtain as much as 4 times more WEB traffic to your online business by promoting you to the first page of the search engines would you be interested?

To which I (would) reply:

Dear Internet Marketer:

I care not for the 65% of Internet users who lack the gumption to look past the first page of Google, MSN or Yahoo. I am only interested in the forward-thinking 35% who dare to venture beyond the safe and well-travelled territory that is Page One; the courageous 35% who are willing to explore uncharted waters; the nonconformist 35% who boldly go where their peers fear to tread; the plucky 35% who are able to stand on their own two feet (or someone else’s) and loudly proclaim their desire to not follow the herd. That is my constituency, Mister Internet Marketer – not your tribe of sheep!

And honesty must force me to reveal that my web site received a grand total of 84 home page views last week, if my log status report is to be believed. Even if your somewhat implausible claim to quadruple my traffic is to be taken at face value, this would leave me with 336 distinct users, which is not a large enough base of potential customers to build any kind of a business, and definitely not enough of a potential reward to trust my credit card information to a total stranger.

For this reason, I must, regretfully, refuse your offer.

Sincerely, etc. etc.

Out of curiosity: I searched for my own name on Google and found that the first page of its search results were pretty much all me. As opposed to the other Dave Tills out there, including:

There’s also a Dave Till who is an easy-listening recording artist based in Malaysia and a Dave who is a member of the Duncan Yo-Yo Hall of Fame, but I couldn’t find them this time around. I’m ahead of all of these guys in web visibility (mostly because I don’t have enough of a life). So I don’t need anyone to give me greater exposure, thank you, Mr. Internet Marketer.

The email message also added the following:

All of our processes use the most ethical “white hat” Search Engine Optimization techniques that will not get your website banned or penalized.

Which leads me to wonder: what are the “black hat” Search Engine Optimization techniques?




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