Gifts I got from my family

6 06 2010

My 50th birthday is in two days, so my family held a party for me today. My family has a warped sense of humour, so here is a list of the gifts I got for my birthday:

  • A bottle of Grecian Formula grey hair remover (“Two minutes for looking so good, Mr. Richard!”)
  • A book titled Bits Of Me Are Falling Apart: Dark Thoughts from the Middle Years
  • A book of pocket-size large print word finds
  • A book titled 40: The Year Of Napping Dangerously, with every 40 in the book hand crossed-out and replaced with 50
  • A pamphlet titled “Signs Of Hearing Loss”
  • A brochure for LifeCall (“Help at the press of a button”)
  • A pair of slippers
  • A seven-day pill case (I hasten to point out that I don’t take any pills on a daily basis – I don’t know why I feel compelled to tell you that)
  • A pamphlet on Erectile Dysfunction
  • A brochure for Prosfen liquid saw palmetto for “prostate health and wellness”
  • A two-piece knee support (this is the one thing I might eventually need – my knees are the weakest part of my body, thanks to a past fondness for volleyball)
  • A very large magnifying glass
  • A card with the inscription “50: You’ll get over it”
  • A box of Centrium Select vitamins for adults 50+ (I think I will continue to buy the vitamins for non-aged adults, just because I’m stubborn)
  • A small vial of “firming, smoothing and nourishing” cream (I’m not even sure where I would apply this)
  • Three lottery tickets
  • A strap for my glasses (in case I constantly lose them)
  • A flyer for Zellers Senior’s Day (I’m not eligible for this, as you need to be 55 for it)
  • And, last but not least, a straw hat and a cane. (The straw hat looks kind of cool, actually.)

(I also got a couple of real gifts: some useful T-shirts and some gift certificates to the place from where I get my takeout souvlaki.)

My family does this sort of thing all the time: when I was a kid, I used to get my birthday presents wrapped in the most unsuitable boxes imaginable (such as boxes for English Leather perfume). The real present would be hidden inside the fake box.

My sisters are three and five years younger than I am, so I have a certain amount of time to prepare my revenge. Which I shall.

P.S.: I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard in weeks. Thanks, everybody.




One response

7 06 2010

I had *no* idea you were turning five-zero. You seriously did not look that old the last time I saw you. (Which was, ironically, the first time I saw you.)

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