Government of Canada FAQ #2

17 01 2012

(This continues the ongoing series of answers to questions on this page. Warning: fact-free.)

How do I get information on financial benefit programs?

Jenkins?

Yes, sir?

You may be wondering why I asked you to step into my office.

You’re not planning on right-sizing me, are you, sir?

Heavens no, Jenkins. You’re just the young man I am looking for. You see… I have never had a son of my own, owing to an accident involving the misfire of a small howitzer during wartime basic training. So I am looking for someone to follow in my footsteps, to serve as a repository for my hard-won wisdom, to become my legacy when I am gone. I want you to be that person, Jenkins.

I am deeply honoured, sir. But I have to ask… are there any strings attached?

What do you mean?

I mean – what do you want from me in return, sir?

Nothing, other than… to like me.

Like you, sir?

Yes, to like me. Nobody really likes me, Jenkins. During the course of my business career, I have had to make tough decisions that have adversely affected the lives of thousands of people. It’s not something I wanted to do, but something that I had to do. But that means that I have made enemies. Dozens and dozens of enemies. And not one friend. Will you be my friend, Jenkins?

No, sir. I’m afraid I can’t do that.

Oh, well. It never hurts to ask. Here, have a boxed pen set. I’ve got dozens of them. Now get back to work.

 

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