Government of Canada FAQ #3

17 01 2012

And here’s one more from this page. I was originally going to do them in order, but screw that.

How do I get information about what I can and cannot bring home with me after travelling outside Canada?

What you can bring home after travelling outside Canada:

  • A suntan
  • A well-thumbed guide book
  • Several hundred badly composed and/or blurred digital photographs
  • Leftover banknotes in interesting large denominations with faces of people you don’t know on them
  • Dirty laundry
  • Blank sheets of hotel stationery, which you will toss in a drawer and forget about
  • Tacky souvenirs, which you will toss in the drawer next to the stationery
  • A really impressive hangover

What you will bring home after travelling outside Canada, whether you like it or not:

  • Interesting non-local viruses, which you can share with your family and friends
  • A depleted bank account
  • A traumatized digestive system
  • Sleep debt
  • The realization that vacations aren’t always as much fun as you hoped

What you cannot bring home after travelling outside Canada:

  • Slaves
  • Lizards
  • Macaques
  • Overripe fruit
  • Marijuana – Canada is a serious, work-focused country, and has no time for weed-induced frivolity. Besides, Stephen Harper will put you in prison for life if he catches you with bud on your person.
  • Too many stories about how wonderful the weather was, lest your pale co-workers decide to band together and kill you
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2 responses

17 01 2012
Bruce Miller

Simple solution – vacation in Canada! Ski buffs love this country, stay within its borders, aquire no strange diseases, drink safe booze, really good Canadian Microbrewery beers, great wines from B.C. and the Niagara regon, some of the best, safest, cheeses in the world from Quebec, Ontario, the very best grass fed bison steaks on earth, Safe and scenic trains through the rockies, or even to Polar bear country, Girls – real persons, of the marrigable sort – well educated, well fed, self sufficient, healthy due to universal health care, very employable, most are professionals, doctors, lawyers, MBA’s, nurses, teachers, most with University degrees, Canadian degrees, degrees that count around the world, Summer is for boating, fishing, camping, hiking, horseback riding, swimming, sailing, cottage respite, sunbathing, good food abounds – all government inspected restaurants, water is safe to drink from the taps, again governemt testing assures this. Like the poet said,”sometimes youdon’t know what you have until it is gone” Canada’s Great Northern wilderness, provinical parks preserving the last boreal forests on earth – Algonquin Park my favorite.
Good service from clean healthy people, Canadians are polite to a fault, many languages commonly spoken here making viitors from other countries very comfortable, welcomed by multi-lingual, multi-cultural attitudes, even varied origins of Canadians, all races of man freely accepted here. ave you seem Lake Louise yet? Baniff? Quebec, the old city? A Polar Bear? Toronto? niagara Falls lighted, at night?

17 01 2012
davetill

Hi Bruce – thanks for your comment. My “Government of Canada” posts shouldn’t be taken too seriously – I occasionally attempt to write humour.

Vacationing in Canada is good, except for two things:\
– There are no interesting lizards in Canada – and, to the best of my knowledge, no macaques. What is a vacation without macaques?
– If I want to vacation elsewhere in Canada, I have to remember not to tell people that I am from Toronto. If I do, they’ll hate me.

Best,
–Dave

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